It was a.day. The kind of day where I found myself in the kitchen at lunchtime with my baby boy needing picked up, the dogs whining to come inside, lunch needing stirred and my daughter wanted to be picked up because “I just want you mommy” all while battling a migraine and this toothache that hasn’t gone away all week. I stood in the kitchen in that moment feeling like I had nothing left to give. I was running at full capacity and said to my toddler demanding my attention “I am doing my best. I’m trying to get everyone lunch, your brother needs me too and I promise you I want you too but I’m doing my best.” Had I not had my pounding migraine, my patience would have been a bit fuller probably but that was the hand I was dealt today.
Here we are at the end of this day, all curled up in my bed. Both my arm nooks filled with well loved babes. My son to my left and my daughter to my right. I’ve got mega blocks in the other room scattered across the floor from earlier, a business email that needs responding to with a well thought out structured reply that I didn’t get to again today, among others. Yet, they’ll still be waiting for me tomorrow because I’m not crawling back out of this bed.
I breathe in the moments and the gentles rises and falls of the tiny chests next to me in a peaceful slumber. I wonder if I loved them enough today and if they know how much I would do anything for them. I wonder if I could have avoided a temper tantrum or two had I cued into something differently.
Then with the next deep breath I change gears in my mind and think about the big gummy grins and the almost-there-infant giggles.
I think about the “thank you’s” and the “pleases” and the “I love you SO much mommy” moments mixed in with the giggles and the joy.
I think about the time we got with my cousin while he gave us a quick 28 hours of his vacation time because he wanted to make time to see us.
I think about how I love that technology allowed us to see Ryan today via video chat even if I wasn’t in the best mood.
I breathe in again and I close my eyes. I live in the moment breathing it all in and I’m thankful. Even after the rough day filled with “life” I’m still so glad that it’s mine. I’m glad I’m blessed with the two tiny people I get to call my children and that I know, they know they are loved. I’m blessed with a husband who loves us well and works hard even though he’s 1800 miles away at the moment. Even after the rough days I wouldn’t trade this life for anything and I’m so grateful there’s new mercies with every morning.
