It’s funny, at every single job I have had since I have moved to Colorado, I have had a project person. I know that sounds a little impersonal and degrading to be saying toward human beings, but it’s really true. I always find the one person that is always an outcast, always is crabby at the world. The person that seems to have the most conflict with everyone. When I worked at the restaurant it was Maria, and at the pest control company it was definitely Roberta. Maria was always looking for man, and getting one night stands. No self-esteem. Roberta was always made out to be the bad guy (or gal, really), but there was something beautiful inside.
Anyways, when I started school I figured there would be a new project for me. God always seems to send one my way. There were/are a few people in my class that need some reaching out to, which I do my part, but nothing that really pulls at my heart strings. I was pondering this the other day and realized that my project isn’t someone else, it’s ME. My project is simply myself. Most people finding this out would probably think there must be something misconstrued and that there had to be someone out there that was meant to be their project. Surprisingly, I just pondered it some more and came up with that it’s OK. This time is for me, I’m not being selfish, it’s just what I need. It’s my time to help myself. I need to get through whatever breakdowns and breakthroughs that I need to. I need to see the pathway of my future leads me, and what it brings. This is my time to get my stuff together, get my priorities straight! It’s kind of exciting as lame as that sounds, but most of the time, I am always so focused on helping other people that I don’t think about me. I don’t cater to what I need, I don’t cater to what my relationships need, and that is exactly what I am doing. I help the people in my class that need it, when they need it, but that is not why I am there. I am there for me. I am there to mend my brokenness, see what I have to be grateful for, and I am there to make some new friends. It’s such a great experience! I have some really great people that have walked into my life, I am have people turn into really good friends and it’s so great to watch! My relationships that are meant to be in my life are getting so strong and so healthy and so beautiful, and the ones that are not meant to be there, even if they have been for a long time, are slowly dissipating, and even with that I am content.
Right now, I am right where I need to be and I’m so excited for that and what all of this experience is bringing for me!!
