Two. The number of pregnancies I’ve been blessed with.
Four. The amount of pregnancy progress photos I’ve taken this time around.
A dozen or so. The amount of times I’ve heard “oh my gosh! You’re pregnant?! I had no idea.”
They tell you that the second pregnancy is different but until you are in that pregnancy you really don’t grasp what that means. Our first pregnancy things were so different. We were at a point in trying to conceive that we thought it wasn’t going to happen and it did. The first trimester was rough, the kind of rough where I couldn’t keep anything at all down for the entire trimester and lost a ridiculous amount of weight; but gosh we were joyous of the news. Elated, really. We were blessed with an unbelievably healthy girl and were grateful for just one sweet babe. Undeniably grateful that we even had one, healthy, happy thriving baby in our lives to love on forever.
We learned valuable lessons as new parents – in life, marriage and parenting. Our hearts were content with just the gift of one baby, though as soon as people let the newness wear off it was the constant “when are you having another one?” followed by us explaining we had a hard time getting just one child so we were okay with that unless God had other plans. We had always talked about the idea of 2-4 babies Then, the waiting came and our big family dreams faded. Then we had A and our hearts were bursting with our love for just her. The baby we spent years praying for. How can you not wrap up all of your gratitude into that? Our life felt really complete. People don’t think about those things the same way you do though, they know of the struggle but it’s quickly gone once you’ve hit that mark but as a mama you don’t forget.
Our life of a family of three for two years was one we loved, were grateful for – were content with. Months happened where there were “maybe I’m…” which I quickly shut down in my mind which was fine because we weren’t. I wasn’t going through that roller coaster ride again. There is something about that silly stick that gives you a sliver of hope. If it happened great, but I was not holding my breath. Soon after being late so many weeks I decided it was time to find out and we were. Another baby was coming. I was a little shocked and Ryan was elated once again.
The first trimester was completely different. I had more worry this time around but I wasn’t even a fraction as sick so I was counting my blessings. We kept everything secret until Christmas and then let everyone know our news. Cliche, maybe, but the timing worked out that way as our first trimester ended that way. He’s a busy one – moving and kicking constantly and ahead of my doctor’s schedule, he’s even had constant hiccups ahead of schedule. Healthy and thriving. Baby number two. He’s coming at the end of June and we are elated.
It’s still different than the first time other than the regular pregnancy stuff. Not a bad different but with A I was consumed by my first pregnancy – weekly photos, it was constantly at the top of my mind and this time – well, it’s not quite the same. This time I have a busy two year old that I’m soaking up every minute of before her “only child” season is up. I’m consumed in living in the right now, which is naturally why I’m getting the “oh my gosh! You’re pregnant?! I had no idea.”s. The art projects, the baking with my girl in the kitchen, the living in the “now”. B gives me a good kick or a series of hiccups to remind me he’s here and he’s making his entrance in a short 15 weeks.
That’s the difference this time around. Our first baby we spent so much time yearning and praying for and were blown away when she was on her way and here. Now, we are being blessed with a baby that was made a space for himself in our hearts that I didn’t even know there was extra room for. The baby I wasn’t sure would ever happen, and the baby I didn’t realize our family would be incomplete without. Every day I feel like he takes up even more space in my heart that I even knew was there and once he arrives it’ll awe me even more.
This time it’s different, “a we’re more blessed than we ever thought we would be” kind of different.