We all have those days.
You know the ones where bad news comes from every direction and you are pretty darn sure either the bad stuff coming your way is over or you can’t fathom what might come next. You know what I’m talking about, right?
Well that was the case for us there for a little bit – nothing earth shattering that was an immediate threat to our little family, nothing that we couldn’t handle but things that all out sucked. The things that were going on just caught us off guard, or made our hearts ache for loved ones. Things that caused an influx of emotions, shock, surprise, and yearning.
Some of the things I’ll probably talk about sooner or later once we have a little more information, but ultimately now isn’t the time or maybe I’m just not ready to verbalize them. I’m not really sure.
The point of the matter is this.
I was in a funk.
Not in a “I hate my life” funk, so don’t think that at all please. It was more of a “OK God, when is a break in all this coming???” Up until this last weekend I couldn’t shake the funk. I will tell you though – I’m oh so grateful for the sweet husband that I have and our sweet little A that can deliver a smile that makes you forget everything bad happening.
I. Am. Blessed.
And that’s just it.
I know how blessed I am, how blessed our little family is.
If we aren’t short on one thing – it’s the amount of love we have in this house of ours.
We have a beautiful healthy little girl that completes our hearts and our little life bringing an unmeasurable amount of joy to it. We’ve got a marriage that is happy and strong that I wouldn’t trade for anything. And when I focus on those two things right there, nothing else in this world seems to matter. It doesn’t matter that we have been house hunting for almost a year and this market currently sucks, and that we thought we had a house and were in the process for six months only for it to not work out (it was them not us). It doesn’t matter that we have put in a ridiculous amount of offers on homes hoping one would be what we called home only for twelve other offers to come in and beat ours out by offers that were several thousand over asking price because that’s how low on inventory the market is– it doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t. We have a roof over our heads and we can stay here as long as we want. Does it make us want a home of our own any less, but it comes down to this – it doesn’t matter where we live – our home will always be where the three of us love & live together. As for the rest….that isn’t on our time not matter how much we want it to be, it’s on His time to decide when it’s Meant to be, and I know that’s the truth and I know that’s the way it’s meant to it although it isn’t easy. Those things, I can digest. I really can, because the things that really matter always are the important things.
It’s the hurt I feel in my heart for others, that’s what I have a hard time swollowing. My heart hurts a lot for others, for others that are fighting news that I can’t fathom, news that is blindsiding, news that’s unexpected and uncomfortable. News that’s just feels down right unfair. That’s what my heart hurts for because I can’t fathom standing in those shoes, feeling that hurt that I know others are enduring, and facing. It really doesn’t seem all out fair. It really doesn’t. Not for them. Not for those that have a love for them as much as I do for my little family. But the worst part is the unknown, but maybe that’s what pulls everyone through. The unknown, fear and hurt that can come could be the focus but instead maybe it’s the hopefulness the beauty that tomorrow might bring and that maybe things might not be as bad as the worst fears. Maybe that’s it. But when you heart aches for others hearts you have an ache for all of it because you don’t know how much someone else’s heart is aching, truly aching, do you? And you can’t help but hold them close to your heart because that’s all you can do. Hold on for their hearts because you don’t know how much their heart is really breaking and holding on to the shimmer of light in the unknown.
Last weekend, something happened – none of the bad crap dissipated, my heart still breaks for loved ones in our life but the funk I was in disappeared. I felt lighter. I felt this undeniable weightlessness that I had been yearning for a little while. My mood lightened, the things weighing me down lost some density I guess. This contentment made me feel better. I was motivated to write again, I was excited for new things coming, I was content in the fact that we are where we are meant to be even if it was different than we planned.
And you guys, I feel great.
Maybe it was that I changed my thoughts, maybe it was that A and I got out this weekend and soaked up the beautiful weather, but something inside me changed. This life, it’s short, but within this little life of mine there are things we can’t control we aren’t meant to be able to control everything but instead we are meant to hold onto the things that we have and the things we have been so gracefully blessed with.
That my friends, is worth celebrating and what this life is truly all about.