I’ve come to a point in my life where I have found a crossroad that is
more present in my life than ever before and that’s
learning to let go.
I wrote about this yesterday in my personal journal and I think it’s appropriate to share here.
Ryan and I both are the loyal friends that drive 8 hours to go to a wedding at least twice a year (we did that this year in February to Colorado when we lived in Kansas temporarily & in September to Wyoming).
We are the friends that drive 8 hours to see some of closest friend’s new baby.
That’s who we are.
We are those friends that feel like we should go to be good friends,
but at the end of the day it can be so hard to let it lay at that.
Although we are those loyal kind of people, I find that a lot of the time we are this way to people that don’t appreciate it as much as they probably should.
The friends that wouldn’t do the same for us.
The gratitude lingers in that moment, but dwindles away.
This last weekend we drove back to Kansas to see our friends’ baby – they were appreciative, they would do the same for us, we know that.
But while we were there we told the maid of honor from our wedding that we would be in town, someone I would once call a best friend.
The same thing happens every time when we come into town, there is excitement leading up to it, up until the day before, then there is the last minute excuse (the one where you bring it up a couple weeks or so later and she doesn’t know you are talking about!) and she bails once it’s too late to come anyways.
That’s exactly what happened this time, I was aware that it would happen because it always does, but there was still that disappointment.
That let down.
I saw this on pinterest:
It captures it for the most part don’t you think?
With that being said, it made me think about it more.
Think about all the times where we had the minimal gratitude for big time and effort {and monetary} sacrifices, that are so often left empty, and stay that way.
So, I’m learning that it’s OK to let go.
Learning that it doesn’t make us less quality of friends.
It just means that we need to save our energy for the friends that don’t constantly take.
The friends & family that appreciate us a little bit more.
In life, in business, in the things that surround our lives – it’s OK to let those thing that leave us more drained.
It’s OK to let go of the idea that we must do things a certain way.
It’s OK to let go of the idea that we are failing by saying “No.”
Letting go of the idea that we must put everything and everyone first.
It’s time to embrace what we need, what we deserve.
Because the truth is,
We deserve more, and are worth that.
Everyone is.
These are words of wisdom, Kristina. A friendship is give and take, not take and take. I don’t want to make excuses for your friend who always bails on you, but I would like you to at least consider one possible reason why she does. Sometimes people can’t handle being around a happy, compatible, loving couple like you and Ryan because it reminds them of something they desperately want and don’t have. Just saying…
Shady – although I wish I could say that…I really wish I could, she is happily married with a sweet baby. I wish I could say that was the case and the excuse could work. :-/, but the truth is it’s an excuse…again.. and it’s taking it for what it is, letting it go and moving on! 🙂
I wrote about friendship several months ago as I was realizing that I had to let go of a long time off again/on again friendship. As this particular couple played a very important role in bringing my husband and I together, it was hard to let go. I didn’t completely close the door, but I decided to stop trying so hard to hang on.
Got it there and here, Kristina. You might find that as soon as you stop expecting anything of her and “let go” she will come looking for you because it will suddenly dawn on her how her behavior has affected you and how much she has lost as a result of it.
Such true words some friendships are just not worth it in the long run if you are the one always giving and not getting much back……..makes you wonder why you bother and if said person doesn’t really want to see you why they don’t just say so…
This is so true Sweetie. You think you have good friends until one day you may need them and there’s that excuse. I’ve distanced myself from many people as I got older for the very same reasons. Tired of being the one to make the calls, do the traveling, lend a helping hand. When I needed it, where were they? Not here! Even this last trip to CT, people were too busy to see me. And so they didn’t. Now I know better. That quote was perfect for the topic. Hugs my friend. If I could I’d drive to Colorado to give you a hug personally. You’re a love.
Brilliant post Kristina, and so very true. I have always been like you and said ‘yes’ to anything, and always made sure that I’ve been there for people. As I’ve got older, I realize that you just can’t go on like that. You are always going to end up being disappointed with some people, and you really do have to jettison some people and hang on to the people who you know would really be there for you, and not make excuses as to why they couldn’t see you when you’re in town.
Kristina,
One think I’ve learned over the past several years but only just realized it a month or so ago, is my husband and I are those type of people.
We are there for “our friends” when they need help moving, need a babysitter, are having a birthday party for themselves or their children, have a special event, but when it comes down to it and the favor needs to be returned or something amazing happens in our lives we feel that we’ve ran short of “friends”.
It’s upsetting and disheartening. I’ve cried a lot over it. I’ve actually been accused of not loving my God children enough because I couldn’t to a birthday party when my “friend” has only been to my 18 year old daughters, who is her God daughter, birthday maybe 3 times in her life. We only live 20 minutes away from each other.
It’s tough…hang in there and you will overcome. I promise!