But to be honest, I would do it again I could but totally differently.
I would put more heart, more of my heart into my wedding.
I gave my heart to Ryan, sure, but looking back I didn’t have my whole heart in that wedding. All I wanted to do was be married because I felt like we were practically married already – nothing would change.
Ryan wanted us to write my own vows, I was a brat about it and didn’t want to spill my heart. 2 of the 4 bridesmaids I couldn’t have cared less about, but I had spaces I thought I should fill and I don’t talk to them anymore. Ryan is the same was with his groomsmen.
I didn’t have that deep appreciation of the magnitude of that wedding and of marriage.
Every time I think about it, I wish I could go back in time, and do it again. But I can’t. And I know there is a deep appreciation I have gained within the last year, that has a bigger magnitude than my first four and a half years with Ryan.
There is a deeper love and appreciation for him, and marriage than ever before.
So, the lesson I have learned is to bask in the love and appreciation that I hold so very dear to my heart – and one day, I’ll do it all over again, renewing my vows to this amazing man I married in 2009, and do it right and share the beauty, love and appreciation for him in front of everyone unlike before, and have those that mean the most to us there.
Until then, I’m going to embrace, and appreciate how blessed I am.